My Grandmother and I were close, she supported and loved me when no-one else would. When her health started to fail and I took my daughter to visit her one last time just a few weeks ago. We knew she was sick, we knew it was only a matter of time, but that doesn’t stop the surprise or the pain. We mourned her as we left her, because as much as we wanted to stay, we couldn’t.
Every day was a new video chat where my Grandma showed more confusion, more immobility, and could communicate less and less. I am grateful I was able to “chat” with her one last time last night. She couldn’t even respond to me, I knew the end was very close. My brother called me at 3:44 am, awakened out of a dead sleep, I tentatively answered the phone.
He told me of my grandmothers passing, and I really couldn’t process the information. No emotion, no feelings.
An hour and a half of talking and texting family I tried to go back to sleep. My brian decided that NOW is the time to have a weird sex dream (seriously? the brian works in mysterious ways).
Then I woke up and got ready for the day, because life must go on.
But how to tell my daughter? I am not good at dealing with emotions, even my own daughters. I try to be comforting, but it is difficult for me. So I got her up, made her get ready like normal - until she went to put on her make-up. Then I told her about Grandma and attempted to comfort her.
Thank goodness for attentive friends who check in on me.
Friends who know how to focus on the important things in life.
Now the family is planning the funeral, I am about to go into law school finals (my first one is next weekend, my second one is the weekend after that….)
All I can really do is prepare for the emotions that are bound to be high, and hope for the best.
If it gets too hard, I can always go back to the hotel.
I love you Grandma. Thank you for being in my life. I can’t wait to graduate law school, be a real bona fide attorney and make you proud. Rest in peace (4/18/2013).